When Ally Porter lost her father to cancer, what she inherited was credit card debt, a battle with addiction — and a seven-pound Chihuahua-Fox Terrier named Peanut.
Posting under the handle u/beanietoes_ on Reddit, Porter shared an online tribute to little Peanut for turning her life around after her father’s death.
“My dad was unlike anyone I have ever met in my life,” Porter told Newsweek. “I had a traumatic childhood, and my dad was the only person in my life – before my husband – who has ever provided and showed me 100 percent true, pure love. He was truly my best friend and my rock.”
Split view of Chihuahua-Fox Terrier and married couple holding dog.
u/beanietoes_/Ally Porter
When Porter’s dad, Kyle Mosher, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, she stepped up as his primary caregiver. She took him to every appointment, handled his personal affairs and “was his voice” for months.
“I really hit rock bottom for a while,” she wrote in her post. The experience was overwhelming and the stress and grief began to take their toll.
By the time her father passed, Porter was barely holding on. Fresh out of college with only $3 to her name and already struggling with mental health issues, she turned to substances to cope.
“I started abusing heavier drugs the day he was given his cancer diagnosis,” she told Newsweek. “I almost died once, and it was so scary and harrowing, but when you lose someone who has been such a strong foundation for who you are as a person and who is just a huge part of your life, you just don’t care anymore.”
The night she found her father’s body was a traumatic blur. The 911 operator’s voice still replays in her mind, urging her to flip him over to perform CPR. “He was ice cold to the touch and harder than stone,” Porter said.
Battling with depression, anxiety and ADHD, that horrifying moment changed her forever.
In the midst of her struggles, her dad’s dog Peanut remained a constant in her life. The tiny, sassy pup had been there at her dad’s side until the very end, even biting a paramedic when they tried to take him away.
Peanut eventually became her emotional support and best friend. “He’s just about as dependent on me than I am on him, and we really are just the perfect pair,” she said. “If I feel depressed and want to become one with the couch? He’s down. He is truly my soul mate in dog form.”
Porter’s father, Kyle Mosher. with Peanut.
u/beanietoes_/Ally Porter
Over time, Peanut helped Porter find stability. He’s been by her side through therapy, substance recovery and the painful process of healing.
“Whenever I start getting anxious or upset or crying, he immediately comes to me, gets into my lap and keeps trying to get my attention by licking me until I feel better,” she said. “He will always nap with me whenever, and he’s just, honestly, my best friend.”
Two and a half years have passed since her father’s death and Porter is still working through her grief. Some days are harder than others, but therapy has helped her manage the post-traumatic stress from that night.
She still talks to her dad and has even kept his old chewing tobacco and the “spit bottle” he left behind. “I cannot make myself throw it out, no matter how gross it may be.”
Porter can now make it through the day without crying, but grief comes in many forms: “A smell, a saying, a picture, something that triggers it,” she said.
“Every day is new and I just keep looking for ways to do my best and make him proud.”
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