Our family’s new dog, Marley, would like to speak to the manager.
After living with us for just over two weeks, the dog appears sufficiently attached to his new family. He wants to tag along for EVERYTHING, even if it means going outside for just a few seconds. Need to take the trash to the curb? The dog will provide accompaniment.
Indeed, if anybody leaves out the front door without him, Marley whimpers and barks about the egregious abandonment. His objective cuteness as a fluffy puppy results in feeling immediate guilt. Yes, buddy, I really should have taken you with me for those 30 seconds I spent retrieving my cellphone from the car.
The kids, however, don’t seem terribly upset about abandoning the dog for bike riding and front yard activities like chalk art in the driveway, etc. The pleasant weather this past weekend led my kids outside for several hours of fun … and only a fraction of it involved taking poor Marley for a cruise around the neighborhood.
Look, I get it. The dog obviously can’t do everything outside with them, and I don’t want the kids taking him outside while riding bikes or anything that risks a tangled leash, loose dog or unsupervised interaction with strange humans, animals and/or vehicles.
However, I really hate being the guy in the house listening to the dog complain about missing the fun. Poor Marley spent this past Sunday staring out the window in our living room, whimpering while my kids played in the yard and rode bikes in front of the house. They waved at him, yelled “Hi Marley!” and then, like supervillains, turned their backs and went about the fun-making without him.
He did not enjoy their fun. Yet, he watched every single second of it.
To their credit, my kids came inside multiple times to put him on the leash and hang out with them. But it only lasted a few minutes at a time, and the dog would be back at the window whimpering within seconds of their departure.
In one particularly cruel moment, the kids decided to bring some granola bars outside. They sat in the driveway snacking while Marley drooled at the window in frustration. He loves food! He loves tripping people standing in the kitchen! He spends most of his waking life looking for potential food! Now those jerk kids are eating all of it outside, far away from where he can secure the wayward crumbs!
Yes, I did attempt to minimize the dog’s frustration by closing the blinds to the front window. However, my children are … loud. Their noises still sounded like fun, and the dog sensed all the fun happening behind the curtain.
In the end, I took the dog outside several times to witness the excitement. He spent most of that time hunting for granola bar crumbs. Because I’m the one inside sitting in the living room, I think he thinks that I’m responsible for his inside imprisonment. I feel blamed for his misery, and he certainly didn’t appreciate all those times I provided “visitation” outside.
As I keep telling the dog, I’m not the bad guy. Blame the kids! Chew their shoes! I’m the one who gives you a treat every time you make that big, dumb, sad face.
Wait … I think I’m getting conned.
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Tyler Wilson is a freelance writer, full-time student and parent to four kids, ages 7-13. He is tired. He can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.
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