Your correspondent rigorously strives to remain absolutely politically neutral and unbiased, if not oblivious, when providing the must-have information presented in these spaces. Readers can therefore imagine my surprise to hear that households throughout our Valley are home to more dogs than Republicans.
That may not be the case, of course. After all, it is in the ‘conservative’ nature of lifelong GOP-ers to keep a low profile. Perhaps that’s why many readers may be unaware that the Grand Old Party actually has a headquarters in our county, located at:
1421 Guernville Road, Suite 105, Santa Rosa
Open Wednesdays & Saturdays, 9 am – 2pm.
Info@sonomacountygop.org
Its website proclaims, “Government Is Run By The People Who Show Up.” Readers are encouraged to show up and say “hi.” But regardless of political leanings, please, be respectful. No nasty insults or rude gestures.
The Valley’s GOP-er’s are already going through very tough times, thanks to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named whose certifiably inane ramblings, lies, cabinet appointees, troop deployments and executive orders are tariffying (sorry about that) people here and abroad. Especially real Republicans, whose lives are not made easy by a President who has defiled the reputation of a Grand Old Party that has proudly boasted the likes of Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, John McCain, Sarah Palin . . . ok, maybe not Sarah.
According to party sources who requested to speak on the condition of anonymity because they occasionally lie, many in the Valley have been asking: What is a real Republican anyway? How can one tell if someone loyally adheres to classical ‘conservative’ values (e.g., hallelujah religious, tightfisted-with-a-dollar, anti-immigrant, ‘slavery-wasn’t-all-bad,’ etc.), or is really nuts? I was told there are clues:
- Real Republicans do not wear bright red MAGA hats or “F**k the Libs” t-shirts, each of which can be a sign of a neurodiverse I.Q.
- Real Republicans – thoughtful, intelligent and respectful in speech and behavior – prefer to wear discrete lapel flag-pins to signal their political leanings. They studiously avoid more provocative symbols that might catch the attention of Luigi Mangione.
- Real Republicans do not put “Trump” signs or flags on their lawns or trucks, because such displays can attract sticks, stones or explosives and dramatically increase their insurance rates.
Real Republicans hereabouts are reportedly very frustrated by the antics of their party’s MAGA faction, whose votes Real Republicans need if they are to have any hope of winning local elected offices or passing GOP-favored ballot measures.
Because “owning the Libs” requires getting more votes than the local Dems, the party’s challenge is to retain its MAGA base while charming enough Democrats and Independents to win a majority of votes in any election in which they have an interest. And being in the same party as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has saddled the local GOP with an immense burden of persuasion.
Fortunately for local Republican candidates, California’s Constitution provides that all judicial, school, county and city elective offices must be nonpartisan. I.E., the party affiliation of candidates for those offices cannot be shown on ballots, and political parties are not allowed to endorse them.
For a GOP noticeably out-registered hereabouts, such mandated political anonymity is a heaven-sent blessing. Should their party affiliation become known to Valley voters, it might be difficult for any decent, well-qualified Real Republican to be elected to our school board or to city council.
Indeed, if all those dogs in our Valley ever Show Up to vote, local Republicans would face impossible odds.
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