My neighbor didn’t pick up after his dog. What’s with America’s crappy manners?

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A UCLA study shows a steep decline in the use of the word “please” among adults, with only 7% incorporating it into their request.

It’s come down to this. I never imagined I would be writing about dog crap for a column, but here I am after an incident in my neighborhood sparked, to put it mildly, a lively discussion with a fellow pet owner.

One morning, a man walking his large pit bull mix allowed his dog to relieve itself in my neighbor’s yard without trying to clean it up. I asked him, “Are you just going to leave that there?” His response was matter-of-fact: “I don’t have a bag.”

I offered to grab one for him from my house, but he mumbled something under his breath and continued walking as if I was interrupting his day.

Now, I might have just dismissed this as a minor irritation. You know, remind myself this is small stuff in the grand scheme of things, but this wasn’t the first time it happened.

And in case you hadn’t noticed, things in the big picture are, quite honestly, pretty crappy as well. Incivility is rampant, the news is full of stories and social media feeds are stuffed with enough ill-mannered waste to fill all those plastic bags blowing around on the side of roads.

Which makes me wonder: What happened to manners?

We want to hear from you: Please take our survey on manners. Are they worse today? Can they improve?

As a dog owner, I carry bags and take my responsibilities seriously

As a dog owner, I take my responsibilities seriously. My fur baby, Knight, is a year and three months old and enjoys plenty of walks — five to six each day. Whenever I walk my Chow, I always bring two or three bags tucked into my coat pocket or jeans.

Knight has his favorite spots, and when he does his business, I pick up after him and try to leave the area a bit cleaner. If I come across a bottle, beer cans, pizza boxes, or anything similar, I pick them up and throw them in the trash.

Maybe I’ve become that guy, you know the grumpy old man on my block who complains about everything — and I guess I have — but we must acknowledge that there has been a dramatic shift in how we treat one another. A recent study by UCLA sociologists found a significant decline in the use of the word “please” among adults, with only 7% incorporating it into their requests.

However, I believe a more profound issue is at play — people who are in the wrong or misbehaving often do not want to be confronted. This creates a problem, as no one likes to feel disrespected, causing people to act out when they should blush and be ashamed of their actions, like that guy not picking up the load on my neighbor’s lawn

Growing up, manners were not optional in our family

When I was a kid spending summers in the South, my grandparents insisted that I call my grandmother “ma’am” and my grandfather “sir.” My grandfather took manners very seriously and would contact my parents to tell them how he had to set me “right” during my time there.

These manners were reinforced in my church upbringing. In the 1980s, misbehavior in front of teachers was unacceptable at school, and respect was always a priority. I don’t even think I knew my teachers’ first names; they were always called Ms. Reed, Mr. Jude, or Ms. Leys. There was never any consideration for addressing a teacher differently.

These days, however, you often hear about students and parents cursing out teachers. In November, a parent at Bruce Elementary School was charged with a felony after he attacked a special education teacher in front of her students. Throughout my years in the Milwaukee Public Schools, I never witnessed a parent, especially a man, physically assaulting a female teacher. Yet, a simple online search reveals that these incidents happen all over the country regularly.

What has happened to us that we now act out like this without regard for others, and why do we react so violently when someone tries to say something to us?

By the time most children start kindergarten, they have learned that “please” is powerful. It serves as a polite expression that conveys courtesy and respect, turning what could be a demand into a request that is more likely to be granted.

However, the 2024 UCLA study found people say “please” much less often than expected, and mostly when they expect a “no” response.

Letters: I love my Milwaukee neighborhood. City needs to keep street lights working.

People use “please” when making requests to friends and coworkers, especially when they think the other person might not want to help. This happens when the person has already said no or is busy with something else, the study says.

The study suggests that instead of teaching rigid rules that apply in all situations, we should focus on understanding the details of each specific situation.

When manners deteriorate, we see trash tossed out of cars

The UCLA study reveals what we already know: manners have deteriorated. This could explain why some individuals toss trash out of their cars at intersections and why people often resort to violence instead of resolving conflicts through conversation. Perhaps it’s why someone with a large dog allows it to relieve itself in your yard without cleaning up afterward.

In a way, all these behaviors are interconnected. My question is, how can we return to the days of saying “please” and “thank you,” holding the door open for others, and doing these things simply because it’s the right thing to do?

We may argue that manners should be taught at home, but given that many adults fail to exemplify good manners, we may need to depend on schools to teach these values and ensure that children maintain a sense of decency for as long as possible.

Once those manners are lost or ignored, it feels like all we’re left with is, well, a pile of crap on the front lawn.

Reach James E. Causey at jcausey@jrn.com; follow him on X@jecausey.

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