DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been dating a woman for just over three months. Several weeks ago, I asked if she and her daughter would like to take a road trip with me to a desert town that is very dear to me.
I’ve been visiting the place annually for over 20 years and own some land there. I’ve been taking my small, elderly dog with me on these trips.
Anyway, my girlfriend unexpectedly announced that she intended to bring her two young, energetic dogs on the trip. I should have immediately tried to nip it in the bud, but I didn’t want to seem like a jerk.
The idea of the three of us, my elderly dog and her two dogs making the trip really stressed me out. When I asked her not to bring her dogs and offered not to bring mine, she threw a fit. I asked her again and told her why, but the trip date is approaching and she hasn’t really tried to find a place for the dogs to stay.
Am I right that inviting dogs on a trip is presumptuous, or am I an uptight jerk?
GENTLE READER: Wellllllll … Miss Manners would not outright call you the latter. But it is not an unreasonable presumption that since you were bringing your dog, your girlfriend thought dogs were welcome.
That you would junk the idea all together rather than endure hers is not the conciliatory move you thought it was. And Miss Manners is not confident that your subsequent explanation did not make it worse.
Pet owners, like parents, do not take kindly to being told that their dependents are undesirable, even if there is evidence. If you want to get more serious with her, you and your dog will have to learn to tolerate hers. Why not practice on relatively neutral territory first?
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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