DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dog is a great conversation starter. Strangers who stop to admire him will often share a story or two about their own pets, or their own memories of dogs they’ve known.
As much as I enjoy this, I’ve noticed that these strangers will often — with no prompting from me and with no obvious conversational cues leading toward this topic — tell me about how their pets or pets belonging to their friends died. These stories are often detailed accounts of how they, or someone close to them, caused the death of their beloved animals, usually by accident, leading to years of emotional fallout and sad memories.
I understand that losing a pet is difficult. I understand that it’s 10 times worse when that pet is killed on accident by someone who loves them, and I understand that people who have lost pets in such a way might find solace in discussing their grief with a friend.
But I’m not their friend. Most of the time, I don’t even know this person’s first name. They will, without exaggerating, stop me to chat about my dog, share a story about a dog they’ve known, and then hit me with “Yeah, my daughter ran him over with her truck. None of us have ever been the same.” Or something to that effect.
I find these stories distressing, even more so because they come without warning from people I don’t know. Can you suggest a polite way to interrupt these stories? If there isn’t a polite way to prevent this from happening, is there a gracious way to admonish them for luring me into a conversation about their cute dog, only to ruin my day with a graphic account of the cute dog’s tragic demise?
GENTLE READER: Admonishing them — no. But you can stop them.
At the first sign of a disaster story, Miss Manners suggests holding up your hand and saying, “Wait — Fido (or Achilles or Sweetums, whatever your dog’s name) finds this kind of story upsetting. I don’t want him to have nightmares. Please excuse us.” Or you could try training him to respond to a signal by pulling you away, as you flash an apologetic look to the stranger.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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