CLEARWATER — After suffering yet another miserable defeat in fantasy baseball, it was time to rejuvenate by attending a real ballgame at BayCare Ballpark on May 31.
The Clearwater Threshers, who clearly have the talent to maintain their first-place standing as the season trudges into the dog days of summer, were playing host to their second-place rivals, the Lakeland Flying Tigers, on a night when the ballpark scoreboard recorded a temperature of 101 degrees just before the first pitch.
The weather was, as Grandma used to say, “close.” Indeed, it was a sultry evening. Yet a throng of 3,711 humans — and hundreds of over-stimulated dogs — crowded the stadium to see the Threshers play under their aliases, the “Beach Dogs.”
The event was special because it was “Pitch for Pink” night, which celebrated breast cancer survivors. Hundreds of survivors paraded around the warning track before the game, and the crowd provided enthusiastic applause.
But because it was the last Friday of the month, dogs were also allowed to attend the contest.
That meant it was a chance to visit again with old friend Malachi, a gorgeous and dignified canine scholar of the game. As a Golden Retriever, Malachi attracted a lot of attention because, well, everybody loves Goldens.
Malachi’s tongue was hanging, what with the heat and Florida humidity. A lot of humans had dry mouth, too, but there was plenty of beer and other potent potables at Frenchy’s in left field. Although water dishes were stationed around the park, Malachi, who is particular about such things, preferred to drink from a cup filled with water from the drinking fountain.
The big guy was willing to sit through a half-inning or so of baseball, but his real interest was in the 50-cent hotdogs available on dog nights.
“Yeah, I know that nobody knows what hot dogs are really made of, but I’m sure it’s something a guy like me could really enjoy,” he said. “Pig snouts? Racoon tails? I don’t care much about hotdog contents. But this ballpark is also full of other gustatory pleasures. How about a cheesesteak sandwich?”
No, buddy. Think of the indigestion. Let’s get you a hot dog.
While wandering toward the hot dog window, Malachi pondered the notion of playing in different uniforms as the same team. He has noticed this in the Major Leagues as well, where the Chicago White Sox play in ghastly black jerseys that say “Southside” in old English lettering. They are easily the ugliest softball uniforms in the Major Leagues. Or the Milwaukee Brewers’ silly yellow “Brew City” jerseys. Or the Houston Astros’ “Space City” garb.
“It’s a great marketing idea,” said the sweet-natured pooch with sagacity beyond his six years on the planet. “The team doubles merch sales because you need to grab both Threshers and Beach Dogs gear at the stadium’s Diamond Outfitters in left field if you want to prove your loyalty.
“Since I myself am a dog, and since I wear a silky but heavy fur coat even in these temperatures, I do not need to prove myself as a beach dog. But if you’d like me to try on a cap I will do so willingly and with no sense of indignation.”
Alas, the cap was not his size and it fell off his massive noggin.
Having got his hotdog and, despite some polite but futile begging being refused a second, the hungry pooch decided that it was time to head back to his own yard.
The final score was 3-2 Threshers, um, Beach Dogs, allowing Clearwater to maintain its lead in the Florida Coast League’s Western Division. (The Dunedin Blue Jays, meanwhile, have been treading water all season, sitting at about .500 after a hot start to the season.)
Malachi was indifferent to the outcome on the field.
But speaking of scoring, the big boy managed to find a stray kernel of buttered popcorn on the stadium floor. Score!
“Mmm, buttery,” he practically purred.
Baseball. Hot dogs. Popcorn. New places to sniff.
It’s enough to make a dog want to return to the ballpark.
Heat or no heat.
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