How I make it work with 3 kids, 3 dogs and a busy business

In HELLO!’s new series, How I Make It Work, we speak to inspiring women in business about how they make it work.

From the perfect work/life balance to the people they rely on and self-care that helps them function, prepare to feel motivated.

This week we spoke to SpaBreaks founder Abi Selby, 47, on mum guilt, relying on friends and reaching exhaustion…

How my morning works…

For me, no two days are the same – there’s always something to keep me on my toes. I have three children, aged 10, 14, and 17, and three dogs, as well as being the Co-Founder of Spabreaks.com.

I have always been an extremely early riser, so I get up at around 5 am and take the dogs out across the fields behind my house – that’s when I do my best thinking. 

In more recent years I have discovered the joys of running – something I never thought I would say, but now I’m addicted.

After that first ritual, my morning is about getting the kids ready for school – the older two are more self-sufficient now and my 14-year-old recently started boarding school so it’s getting a bit easier, but as any mum will tell you, it’s always organised chaos.

Meals are always on the go, but I try my best to be as healthy as possible. That said, I always have a can of Coke on hand to keep me going.

How my day-to-day works…

Some days I work from home. I make sure I’m presentable and then retreat to my home office for the day.

On other days I might be visiting spas across the country or in the office with my team in Brighton. 

The drive from my home in Berkshire takes around two hours on a good day, so I have to leave at around 6 am to make sure I’m there on time.

Once I get there, there’s little time to think with back-to-back meetings, checking in with the team and planning our next steps. It’s an exciting time at Spabreaks.com with lots of new arrivals, plans and developments. 

How I make my home life work…

My home life is busy. My husband also has a hectic job that entails a lot of travel, so there’s a lot of schedule juggling, and between us, it can make it hard to keep a routine. 

As soon as I get home in the evening, I race upstairs to put on comfy clothes and I give my kids, husband and dogs a massive cuddle.

Whenever possible, I eat with the children and my husband in the evening, and if he is away then I try to organise my work so I am at home. However, if I’ve been in the office or on the road, I’m not always back in time to have dinner with them all, which can be hard to reconcile.

How my work/life balance works… 

I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect work/life balance. I think we’re all making it up as we go along, and you have to find a way to do your best and be at peace with that.

For many years I didn’t even attempt to have a work/life balance – I just tried very hard not to drop the balls. These days I am better at taking time off, putting the phone away at the end of the day and making space for exercise and eating properly. 

How I make being a working parent work…

I’m open about the challenges of being a working parent. For many years I was able to juggle everything – work didn’t lose out and neither did the kids, but my physical and mental health did. I got exhausted, I didn’t really see friends, and that’s ultimately what gives. 

As I’ve got older and the business has matured, I have become better at balance. That morning walk or run is a real non-negotiable for me, helping me to gather my thoughts and move my body – that’s my time and it’s invaluable.

To some extent, self-care has been enforced. I have been hit by perimenopause in the last couple of years and even with all my knowledge about it from the spa world, it took me by surprise.

It makes life harder when it comes to being a working mum with symptoms such as anxiety, forgetfulness, tiredness, and a lot of self-doubt. At one point I was convinced I had early onset dementia. Just as your kids get older and you think you are nailing it, the perimenopause hits and sends you sideways again.

How I manage mum guilt

One of the biggest challenges of my career was guilt. When the children were little, it was really hard, but it is equally as difficult when they get older and that is something no one tells you.

How my support network helps me make it work…

It takes a village when it comes to work/life balance. I am lucky to have an extremely supportive husband.

My children have been instrumental in making it work – they have always been very proud of me and extremely understanding about when and why I haven’t been at home.

Also, my mum-friends are amazing – they’re constantly there to help pick up the pieces – whether it’s helping with school pick-up, play dates or a glass of wine.

Jane Fonda has been quoted as saying: “I don’t know what I would do without my women friends; they make me stronger, they make me smarter, they make me braver,” and I 100 per cent agree with her.

Then there’s my work team – I couldn’t do any of it without my team – they are real go-getters who embody the spirit of the brand and everything it stands for. Knowing you can trust the people you work with to do a great job without having to micromanage them is what every boss dreams of.

My advice for work/life balance

The first is to celebrate what you did do and don’t beat yourself up about what you didn’t do – you can only do your best.

The second thing is to surround yourself with amazing people, trust them, and give them space to shine. You really can’t do it all alone.

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