“No matter how much money I have in the bank, I will never be happier than when I am laying on my bed with my wife next to me and the dogs right there on the bed with us, watching a movie. That’s just as blissful as I could ever hope to be.” -Buzz Osborne
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It’s said, at least by some, that the key to living a long life is having dogs instead of kids. That would explain the remarkable longevity and durability of Melvins mastermind Buzz Osborne, who now stands as one of the most influential iconoclastic American rock musicians of all time.
Osborne is now in his fifth decade of consistently creating high-grade heavy rock that can’t be pigeonholed. Try, and you will fail. One wonders if his dogs Buster (a Jack Russell Terrier) and Serious Blackie (an American Hunt Terrier) provided Osborne with the support he needed in order to feel assured that he was on the right path with his always outlandish yet always commendable, and usually laudatory, artistic endeavors.
Well, there’s no need to wonder anymore. Much to our delight, Osborne agreed not only to participate in New Noise‘s Pet Sounds series but to do so at great length. He checked in with us exactly one month ago, while gearing up for a tour of insane proportions for a 61-year-old.
Melvins’ co-headlining tour with Napalm Death kicked off in San Diego on April 4 and will last until June 7 in Berkeley, California–with a mere 13 days off during that long period. Their current lineup of Osborne, Dale Crover, Steven McDonald, and Coady Willis are along for the ride.
Meanwhile,, tomorrow sees the release of the five-track Thunderball, under the name “Melvins 1983” (the year the band began). The new record also features original drummer Mike Dillard (who is not on the “Savage Imperial Death March Part II” trek with Napalm Death).
Got it? Good. Now, let’s get on to the topic of animals.
So, your current pets, from what I gather, are Buster and Serious Blackie. Have you had other kinds of pets?
In my youth, we had cockatoos, rats, snakes, and a llama and an emu, I think. But my wife and I have only had dogs during our nearly 32 years of marriage. We had as many as four at one time.
Buster is 17 or 18, and Serious Blackie is 6 or 7. The young dog energizes the old dog, and the old dog keeps the young dog in line.
Did you deliberately space out your acquisitions, so to speak, to ensure that dynamic?
We always have two dogs. We believe dogs have their own language, that they speak to each other, and they don’t get that from humans. They need to tear up toys, to rip stuff apart, stuff that humans generally don’t do.
If you look at how dogs play, they love pain and energetic (behavior). Especially terriers. They’re go-getters. They’re on full-blast almost always.
When I was young, we just had mutts. Most of them disappeared or got hit by logging trucks. That’s something I’m still not over. When you’re 5 years old, watching your dog get crushed by a logging truck, it’s not a good experience.
I have very precious feelings about dogs. I don’t want them to get hurt. I’m very overprotective of them. I never, ever let them off-leash in the wild. I think that that’s crazy. I’ve watched too many of my dogs get hit by cars to do that.
Even in Washington, there aren’t big parks or hiking trails where you can feel comfortable letting them run free?
I still wouldn’t do it. Our dogs are domesticated. They’re not wild animals. If you have a farm and want to let them run loose, I’m sure it’s fine. In L.A., sure, there’s all kinds of hiking trails, but they’re filled with coyotes.
Dogs are (derived from) the same gray wolves, which are day hunters. That’s why dogs and humans get along so well. We’re day hunters too. But if they’re not domesticated, they’re as wild as a cow.
Not to digress, but you know a thing or two about cows, having written a song called “Cow” for 1991’s Bullhead.
That song might be about a cow. Or it could be an explanation for what I think of a certain person.
So, what do you feed Buster and Serious Blackie?
My wife is a miracle worker with dogs. She has a lot of ideas and philosophies, down to the food, even. She thinks giving them food as if they’re wild animals is wrong because they’ve been domesticated for millennia.
My wife changes up their food all the time. Lots of human-grade food, lots of vegetables. Buster is a little more picky, but he’ll eat vegetables as long as they’re covered in meat juice. We also get them a lot of exercise.
You give the dogs what they need. Look at them, listen to them. They’ll tell you all the time what’s going on, you know what I mean?
Do your dogs get along well?
Oh, yeah. I heard poodles are pretty smart, but Jack Russells are incredibly smart. They’ll sit there and study you all day. I feel like they study you for weakness. Buster is much smarter than Serious Blackie, and he’ll let you know that Serious Blackie is stupid.
Where do you enjoy walking your dogs the most?
Dogs love any kind of adventure. They don’t even care what it is. Dogs want to go in the car. They want to go here; they want to go there. Really, they don’t give a shit. You just have to take them out, walk them in the neighborhood. We live in the hills in L.A., so there’s lots and lots of trails where you can walk them and tire them out.
My wife takes younger dogs on a 6-mile hike every Sunday in L.A. in the hills. There’s a certain hike up to the (Griffith) Observatory and back. They love that. I don’t know if she came up with this, but she always says, “A good Jack Russell is a tired Jack Russell.”
It’s probably true of any dog. If you don’t have the time to exercise dogs, like throwing a ball or something, you should not have any terrier. They’re my favorite. I also think, pound for pound, they’re the most vicious dogs on the planet by far.
If you took a Jack Russell’s brain and put it into an 80-pound pit bull, you’d have to shoot him on sight. It would rip your fucking head off. They wouldn’t even hesitate to attack or even try to kill you.
Do they lunge at every stranger they encounter?
No, no. If they knew they could get away with it, because they’re tough and big, they would. My wife says, “If he can do it, he will do it.” Our (previous) Jack Russell, if she did something wrong, she looked guilty, But Buster does not. He’s just like, “Yeah, whatever. Why are you so upset? What’s your deal?” I think they were originally bred to be rat killers. He’s killed a ton of them.
If you read anything about Jack Russells online or in books, it’ll say—usually in bold print—”these dogs cannot be trusted around small animals.” You have to understand that from the beginning.
Their fangs are huge. They’re like the Terminator. Nothing excites them more than killing something all day long. Rats, mice, birds, anything. They’ll kill all of them.
But they’re also the smartest dogs. They’re super-devoted (to their) owner. They’ll follow you around all day long. They’re amazing dogs. They’re the right size for the car. They’re perfect.
Our dogs are really good travelers. We have a thing that we put in the backseat … It’s like a hammock that goes across the seat so they can’t fall on the floor.
Dogs get neurotic without another dog, which is why, before too long, we’re going to have to get another guy so there’s a transition period (after Buster passes away). He’s probably going to go first before Blackie. We’ll probably get another Jack Russell, a younger one, when we have the time to deal with a puppy. That’s a full-time job—especially a Jack Russell puppy.
What’s the most out-of-control moment you can remember where you had to corral them?
Every day when the doorbell rings. The dogs lose it, and then the people lose it.
Was there a situation where you lost control of them outside?
No. I always keep them leashed. Do you really want your dog to tear apart somebody else’s dog? You’re liable. I always love it when I see somebody letting a pit bull or a giant German shepherd run free. It’s like, “You’re fucking crazy.” I think it’s really irresponsible. They can dart out in front of a car. Anything can happen. I value my dogs far more than that.
They’re loaded weapons, essentially. I think it’s arrogant and stupid. They’re domesticated, but they’re still animals. They’re not humans. But I can’t imagine not having dogs.
I’ve often said this, but when I think about happiness, no matter how much money I have in the bank, I will never be happier than when I am laying on my bed with my wife next to me and the dogs right there on the bed with us, watching a movie. That’s just as blissful as I could ever hope to be.
Melvins tour dates:
4/17 Dallas, TX The Echo Lounge & Music Hall
4/18 Austin, TX Emo’s
4/19 Houston, TX White Oak Music Hall – Downstairs
4/20 Baton Rouge, LA Chelsea’s Live
4/21 New Orleans, LA House of Blues New Orleans
4/23 Tampa, FL The Orpheum
4/24 Ft. Lauderdale, FL Culture Room
4/25 Orlando, FL The Beacham
4/26 Savannah, GA District Live
4/27 Atlanta, GA The Masquerade – Heaven Stage
4/28 Birmingham, AL Saturn
4/29 Athens, GA 40 Watt Club
5/1 Charlotte, NC The Underground – Charlotte
5/2 Carrboro, NC Cat’s Cradle
5/3 Virginia Beach, VA Elevation 27
5/4 Baltimore, MD Baltimore Soundstage
5/5 Philadelphia, PA Union Transfer
5/6 Allentown, PA Archer Music Hall
5/7 Brooklyn, NY Warsaw
5/8 Boston, MA Paradise Rock Club
5/10 Pittsburgh, PA Mr .Small’s
5/11 Cleveland, OH Globe Iron
5/12 Detroit, MI Saint Andrew’s Hall
5/13 Grand Rapids, MI The Intersection
5/15 Cincinnati, OH Bogart’s
5/16 Louisville, KY Mercury Ballroom
5/17 Nashville, TN Brooklyn Bowl Nashville
5/18 St. Louis, MO Red Flag
5/19 Chicago, IL Metro
5/20 Milwaukee, WI The Rave II
5/22 Minneapolis, MN First Avenue
5/23 Des Moines, IA Wooly’s
5/24 Kansas City, MO Madrid Theatre
5/25 Omaha, NE The Waiting Room
5/27 Denver, CO Summit
5/29 Salt Lake City, UT Metro Music Hall
5/31 Bozeman, MT The ELM
6/1 Spokane, WA Knitting Factory
6/2 Seattle, WA The Showbox
6/3 Portland, OR Revolution Hall
6/4 Eugene, OR McDonald Theatre
6/6 Reno, NV Virginia Street Brewhouse
6/7 Berkeley, CA Cornerstone Berkeley
For more information on Melvins, go to their website and Bandcamp page.
For the previous installment of Pet Sounds, check out “Sweet Cheetah PR’s Tim Anderl and His ‘Wild’ Dog.“
Photos courtesy of Buzz Osborne
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