Saw a blurb on the Court TV channel last week for a show called “Interview With a Killer.”
Yes, I’m a Court TV fan. At one time in my much younger life I had strongly considered going to law school, but life got in the way and I took the road more traveled and became of journalist/printer — because I was born into it.
Anyway, at the time, I was surrounded on my front-room couch by two cats and a dog and decided that having an interview with a dog would be more productive than talking to a killer.
I know, where did that idea come from David Alan?
Evidence exists that humans have kept dogs as pets for about 30,000 years, so I thought it only fair we get a dog’s perspective.
Now this interview is gonna be far less serious than the killer interview, but I expect a killer interview in a considerably different sense and use of the word “killer.”
I’m interviewing a dog and not a cat because dogs care and cats don’t.
I’ve owned and been around both since I was a little kid. If you’ve owned either one or the other — or both — you’ll know what I mean.
A cat could care less.
A dog? Oh they care — they care about us a bunch.
But, what are they really thinking behind those wistful, sometimes all-knowing, begging doggie eyes?
I’ve been around chows and boxers, chihuahuas and border collies, a spitz, a golden retriever, three dachshunds and an all-American multi-mix breed that couldn’t really be classified.
But owning and being around a dachshund is really something else again — it’s a hoot.
So this is an interview with a miniature dachshund.
Now, it took a bit of doing, this interview of mine, because the little critter started by flying around the room for a few minutes, like a squirrel looking for pecans it had buried somewhere for winter.
It was the little dachshund’s way of warming up.
And it took place while the wife and I were on vacation in El Paso, but the doggie in question was in her own home and I was a guest — but we had met several times before so there was familiarity going for me.
The energy level was impressive and I waited and marveled at how this little animal could be so cute and seemingly defy gravity and avoid crashing into stuff, all at the same time.
I got worn out just watching.
Actually this is a double interview, because one of the two dachshunds — a male — is staid and not at all excitable like the miniature girl, and kind of stands around taking everything in.
He’s pacing himself — I can relate.
Oh, someone’s at the front door and there’s 30 seconds of wild barking and defensive excitement, until it’s ascertained by the little dogs that there is no perceived harm coming to the occupants of the house.
As the interview began, I was eating a muffin, and I could tell by the look in the little dachshund’s eyes that was a mistake, because I could hear her thinking, that unblinking stare at said muffin was a fervent plea that I drop some or share. It was the eyes and those sideways glances that some dogs seemingly are born with that endear them to us.
Now it’s been my considered opinion that if we were smaller, or pet cats were larger, they would play with us for a while, then bite off our heads like we were mice and devour us.
But dogs, nope that’s not their thing.
Back to the interview.
Just as we started, the little critter jumped up and indicated she would be right back. After a brief interlude, she dragged in her doggie bed blanket and said that she might need a nap if the talk session was going to last more than two minutes.
And, she asked, could we move so that the sun was shining on her so she didn’t get cold.
The dachshund really didn’t ask, but her doggie eyes said it without words.
What, you thought dogs can talk?
The interview with a dog turned out to be as much observation as banter between us, along with constant distractions.
After having observed my own long-ago miniature dachshund tearing head first into a huge pile of autumn-dead leaves at a full run, and exit the other side after about 10 seconds, I formed the opinion these little animals are fearless and more than a bit nosy, goofy and adorable.
I think it’s those short legs and wiener body. And their fearless nature, like they are a Great Dane or something.
Probably an inferiority complex because Great Dane is capitalized and dachshund is not.
Oh, I’ve run out of space for my interview. Sorry, but it went very well.
Trust me.
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