Claudia Myers column: Why do we dress up the dog?

Christmas and the holidays are upon us and how many cards have you gotten already with the family gathered around the resident dog who sits in the front, setting the theme of the card with his Santa hat, reindeer antlers, red nose or elf outfit, trying to pretend he is enjoying all this fol-de-rol and that his dignity is still intact.

The rest of the family may or may not be costumed for the season, but if so, they did it willingly. The guy on the floor really had no choice, since his main mission in life is to please his peeps.

You never hear the dog say, “Could we please go to the pet shop so I can get myself a new Spiderman outfit for Halloween? Or, could you buy me a new Easter bunny suit? I’m sorry I chewed the ears off the one last year and I promise I won’t rush around and grab everybody’s chocolate eggs, ever again.”

In our family, we have had quite a few different breeds of dog, but mostly of the genial golden retriever variety, who will pretty much let you dress them however you please, even paint mustaches and burly black eyebrows on them.

We have, however, a vallhund named Ender, who is decorum personified. A vallhund looks like the result of a deeply personal relationship between a German shepherd and a corgi and was recently described by a little girl as “a short person’s police dog.”

Ender is a certified therapy dog and visits libraries where children read to him and breakrooms for people with highly stressful jobs, where they tell him about the horrible day they have had, dealing with angry customers. Ender listens very stoically and is always dignified and calm. You would never presume to dress Ender up in a Pepé Le Pew skunk costume or as an Oscar Meyer hot dog.

Our doodle, Jordie, will tolerate the bandana that comes with being a good dog at the groomers, but I don’t think he gets to choose if he would like the Cowboys or the one with the printed hamburgers. I’ve seen dogs wearing octopus and spider outfits with many attached arms waving around, and of course, hamburgers with pickles are fairly common. There’s even a UPS delivery driver dog costume with fake arms carrying a box. Wonderful what silliness people can think of, isn’t it?

Sometimes there’s a reason to outfit your canine best friend. There are annual parades that award “best dog” costumes or “cutest puppy.” Or, it’s their birthday! Maybe a formal bow tie and “vest-lette” or a little party hat. And I’ve often seen dogs in sunglasses.

We had a large English sheepdog/black Lab cross named MacDuff who took exception to the mailman marching right up to his very own front door and leaving mysterious things inside that strange box attached to the wall next to it.

Once, Duff bolted out the door chasing the guy right back to his truck. We knew that the dog was all bluff and no bite, but the mailman didn’t and refused to deliver the mail to us from then on. Then we found out that the dog lost his bluster and became calm as could be, when he was wearing a scarf or a bandanna, so, from then on, MacDuff looked like he was starring in a 1930s society movie, wearing a sort of ascot daily. The mailman was not impressed.

So, to answer my own question, I think we dress up our dogs and any of our pets, really, cats, guinea pigs, birds, even lizards, because we want them to be part of our world, our family, ourselves.

Especially, as in the Christmas card pictures, where everybody is dressed up the same. Dog is part of the gang. Even 25 years ago, dressing up a dog in a Halloween or Christmas costume would never have crossed anybody’s mind. What a strange thing.

But I’ve told you about my pet chicken, Susie, who didn’t seem to mind if I dressed her up in my doll’s clothes and wheeled her around the neighborhood in my doll buggy. Susie was part of my family. She didn’t look like the rest of us, but not all family members look alike.

On the other hand, you’ve probably noticed that some dogs and their persons often do look alike. So, did the person choose a dog that looked like them? Or did they start looking alike after years together, like an old married couple?

I’ve heard some people say they like their dogs better than they like most people. Dogs don’t argue with you. Dogs don’t take the last doughnut in the box. They don’t borrow your stuff and never bring it back.

Dogs think everything you do is simply amazing. Dogs think your hair looks great, even on a bad day. And, when you return home, after they thought you’d left them forever, they have to express their joy by dancing around, jumping up to kiss your face and peeing on your shoe. “You’re back, you’re back!” While your children are in the next room, it’s, “Oh, yeah, hi, Mom. What’s for dinner?”

So we dress our dogs up for the holiday season, like gnomes or Christmas trees or superheroes, because we love them. And besides, I’ve never seen anything funnier than a French bulldog dressed up in a Prince Valiant hair bob wig, with bangs.

If we can’t laugh at our family members who, then, can we laugh at?

Claudia Myers is retired from costume design and construction for The Baltimore Opera and the Minnesota Ballet. She is a national award-winning quilter, author and local antique dealer, specializing in Persian rugs. Her book, “The Storyteller,” is available at claudiamyersdesigns.com.