As we edge into ski season, it’s always exciting to see what’s new.
Some things stay the same, like the ski patrol union at Park City Mountain starting the season without a contract. But there are always new features. Deer Valley will be opening the first phase of the Mayflower expansion. The most exciting new terrain is the parking lot off U.S. 40 that eliminates the need to spend an hour stuck in the traffic on 248.
Every year it feels like the hotel marketing people find new ways to deliver life-changing experiences to their high-roller guests. The Montage, for example, has an exciting new lunch item. For $1,876, you can get a jaw-breaking sandwich they describe as “an elevated burger unlike any other, including A5 wagyu steak/golden osetra caviar/tempura king crab & asparagus white truffle brie/gold leaf bun/béarnaise sauce.”
They lost me with the asparagus. No part of a cheeseburger should involve asparagus. Even with the asparagus deleted, that seems like a lot. It includes fries, a glass of Yellowstone whiskey, and for some reason, they thought a cigar would round it out, because what expensive dinner can’t be spoiled with a cigar? Still, when you consider that the best burger and fries anywhere can be had at Hi Mountain Drug in Kamas for under $20, it still seems expensive.
But wait, there’s more!
The deal includes a side trip to Burns Saddlery on Main Street to get a custom cowboy hat. The press release from the Montage says you will be “whisked” to Main Street in a Montage SUV, where the skilled hatmakers at Burns will make a custom hat designed you your specifications — the right crown height, proper creases and folds, perfect curl of the brim to suit your face, etc.
There was no clarification of the difference between being “whisked” to Main Street as opposed to taking the hotel shuttle. Maybe the driver recites cowboy poetry about the harsh life riding the range, or in this case, Range Rover. Anyway, the hat rounds out the Happy Meal.
There is apparently no limit on what you can spend on a proper cowboy hat. I spent some time on the Stetson website, and for $300 you can get hat that is far too nice to wear anywhere near a horse or for that matter, expose it to the weather.
Of course, for the full Texas oilman/South American dictator vibe, you can buy the “El Presidente” model for $1,300. That gets you the finest felt made of the fur from beaver bellies. Then you can add the diamond encrusted hat band. You’ll look stylish and in command right up until your regime is overthrown in the revolution.
The Burns website features a wide range of hats that are high quality, locally made and appear to be a lifetime investment. The package comes with “lifetime service for the hat — cleaning, touch-ups, and even sweatband replacement.” So there’s that.
This isn’t some limited promotion. It’s right there on the regular menu at the “Burgers & Bourbon” café at the Montage. People will come in from a morning of skiing, sit down for lunch, and, unable to choose between the bison or ham and bean soup, end up spending $1,876 for lunch and a cowboy hat to wear back home in Orlando.
And if Dad is getting that, the kids will want dessert, and Mom might need a pair of $1,000 boots to go with her Cobb salad. Plenty of time to pick out the perfect pair while the hat is being custom shaped. For those little buckaroos, I’m sure there are hats, boots, or diamond belt buckles to pair with the chicken fingers.
This will be fun to watch. The 1876 Burger Experience is probably the opening salvo in competition among the top tier hotels. Can the St. Regis really let that go unchallenged? The Vintage Room tent is feeling a little tired. What will we see from the Pendry and Waldorf Astoria out at the Canyons? What will the Grand Hyatt come up with to attract customers to the work-in-progress East Village?
Each will push the limit of creativity when it comes to separating money from the masters of the universe who have become our clientele.
It’s a different and challenging world. If you think parking on Main Street is tough, try to find a place to park your private jet at the Heber airport.
Thanksgiving is just around the corner. There is a much be thankful for around here, and perhaps chief among them is that I can thoroughly enjoy the ski season without spending $1,876 on a Burger Experience.
This morning, on the regular walk with the dogs, my Aussie shepherd saw a bald eagle in a tree. He barked at the eagle, which didn’t much care, and we walked on.
A few seconds later, the eagle came flying overhead, a little too close, and cruised up the lane in front of us. The dogs all chased after it, including the old arthritic Lab who ran like a puppy, barking and leaping and fully aware they were not going to catch anything. It was an explosion of sheer joy, no gold leaf needed.
Think about what you have and be thankful for it. Maybe also think about all the stuff out there that you don’t want, and maybe be even more thankful for that.
Tom Clyde practiced law in Park City for many years. He lives on a working ranch in Woodland and has been writing this column since 1986.
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