Bronze: Norman’s. Tufnell Park’s hipster caff is known for its elevated school-dinner fare and strong visuals. Its tote bag, emblazoned with a red toast graphic with an “N” inside, continues the theme. Pick it up at the café after guzzling down something beige and fried.
Silver: The River Café. The west London Italian restaurant has been an institution longer than some of us have been alive – and that gives it a heft that younger establishments on the other side of the city can’t quite match. If your wallet doesn’t stretch to the place’s hefty prices, then the tote, which features a lovely, colourful abstract pattern, is a good alternative. It also signals that you’re not some fashion victim who’s never been west of Soho.
Gold: St John. Another titan of the tote game. St John might not be new, but the hype around its 30thanniversary this autumn showed that it can still get diners salivating like nowhere else. An all-caps serif logo and a drawing of a pig adorn a bag that crushes all competition.
Media totes
Honourable mention: The New Yorker. Media-branded totes face stiff competition, so it’s inevitable that some classy examples don’t make the podium. The New Yorker tote, for example, is visually appealing but perhaps has simply been on the scene too long to truly sizzle. Instead, put a copy of the actual (excellent) magazine into one of the below.
Bronze: Mubi. This will have acquaintances and maybe even strangers whipping out their phones and asking if they can follow you on Letterboxd. Mubi, the arthouse film streaming service, has the perfect tote for film bros (in the gender-neutral sense), and one that will truly elevate your game when you’re within 100 metres of a cinema.
Silver: The Paris Review. This magazine, as you’ll have the pleasure of telling people if you carry around this tote, is actually based in New York. Props to the team for eshewing a simple logo presentation to cook up an artier design. Just don’t carry it around unless you have a list of your top five short stories ready to recite when asked.
Gold: London Review of Books. Given that this is the very bag with which The Bear’s Ebon Moss-Bachrach declared “book guy summer” in session, it couldn’t end up anywhere except number one. Not only does it show you off as a reader of Britain’s premier literary mag – it’s also well-built, capacious (close your ears Tom Wambsgans), and has a lovely picture of a tree on it. Truly the Michael Phelps of double-handled cotton receptacles.
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