Back when I was dating, I had a pretty long list of requirements for a potential boyfriend. But there was one non-negotiable: Must love dogs.
Original, I know. Did I mention that I also like piña coladas, getting caught in the rain and long walks on the beach?
So while the dog thing is admittedly cliché, I did add one very important caveat: Must love dogs …but must not have a dog of your own.
I’ll explain.
See, when I was in college, I found the cutest little puppy abandoned under a mailbox. If there is such a thing as love at first sight, that was it. I took her home, and she’s been glued to my side for the last 15 years.
But as sweet and perfect as Lucy is, there’s one tiny little problem: She hates other dogs. And I mean HATES them.
Don’t let that happy, furry face fool you. If you pull up with a canine — doesn’t even matter what kind or how big — she will fight on sight.
So if I was going to make a relationship work with someone, he not only had to be a one-woman man. He also had to be a one-dog man.
And if he liked piña coladas, that’d be cool, too.
How To Tell If Your Pet Doesn’t Like Your Partner
I’m happy to report that I did find that one-woman, one-dog man, I married him, and he adores Lucy almost as much as she adores him. Jackpot, baby.
But I’m certainly not the only person who has ever put my four-legged child first while navigating the dating scene.
In fact, according to a survey by TrustedHousesitters, more than three-quarters (78%) of pet owners would end a relationship if their pet didn’t approve of their partner, and 17% admit to breaking up with someone because their pet didn’t like them.
Single parents of actual children (the human kind) know that if their kids hate the person they’re dating, it’s going to be a rough road. But unlike kids, dogs and cats can’t just tell you your new girlfriend or boyfriend sucks. They have to express their disapproval in other ways.
So we checked in with veterinary surgeon Rebecca MacMillan (BVetMed BSAVA PGCertSAM MRCVS), who shared four ways your pet might be telling you they don’t like your partner.
Let’s dive in!
1. Excessive Marking or Soiling Indoors
MacMillan explained that pets may “mark” or urinate in the presence of their enemy (in this case, maybe your romantic partner) in order to establish their territory or communicate their displeasure.
My cousin once had a fat cat named Max who pissed on her bathroom rug whenever he didn’t get what he wanted. So this checks out.
2. Body Language
When a pet tucks its tail or lowers it, it may be a sign of fear, anxiety, or discomfort around your partner, the vet said. Additionally, if your pet’s ears are consistently pinned back when the person is around or if they have a hunched body posture, it can be a sign that they are feeling uneasy or scared.
Now, I’m no expert, and maybe I’m a little biased toward the dog. But if your pet is terrified of your partner, it might be time to ask questions about your partner. I have found animals to be tremendous judges of character.
That’s why dogs always gravitate to me — because I am delightful.
Also because I carry treats in my pocket.
3. Aggressive or Avoidance Behaviors
“Some pets may attack your partner if they get too close to them, and some may attack if your partner is too close to you,” MacMillan said. “The latter indicates a protective or guarding-type behavior that should be taken seriously and managed carefully.”
According to the doc, if a pet displays aggressive behavior — like growling, hissing, or baring teeth — it may indicate that it is not comfortable with a person.
I’d argue it doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a veterinary surgeon to pick up on those clues.
But, on a much less obvious note, MacMillan said that if a pet consistently avoids being near a partner or refuses to engage in activities they usually enjoy (like playing or cuddling), this could also signal that they are not happy with the relationship.
4. Stress-Related Health Issues
If a pet starts to display signs of stress-related health issues such as excessive grooming, vomiting, or diarrhea when a partner is around, it could be an indication that they are not comfortable with the relationship.
Again, if your dog or cat starts vomiting or pooping uncontrollably at the very sight of your new girlfriend, it might be time to start asking questions. Because either that person is spiking their food OR the pet is (quite literally) scared sh*tless of this lady.
Or maybe — just maybe — it just means your dog has a crush on her! Like the early South Park days when Stan used to puke every time Wendy talked to him.
Don’t Let Your Pet Keep You Single
Now feels like a good time to remind you that I’m just a silly writer and not a veterinarian. So, obviously, if your pet is exhibiting any signs of stress or abnormal behavior — new girlfriend or not — please call an actual expert.
That said, your dog, cat, bird, lizard or pet rock shouldn’t be the reason you’re forever single. (Unless you want to be, of course.) So MacMillan also shared some advice on how to deal with an animal who doesn’t like the person you’re dating.
“The first step is not to take it personally,” she said. “With pets that are prone to stress or anxiety, any new person spending increasing amounts of time on their territory could cause upset. However, it is important not to ignore your pet’s behavior. You should take steps early on to improve the situation, otherwise things could spiral.”
Here are those steps:
- Introduce them gradually and allow them to meet each other in a calm and controlled environment.
- Encourage your partner to engage in activities with your pet that your pet enjoys, like playing with toys, going for walks or cuddling.
- Ask your partner to participate in daily care tasks, like feeding, bathing or poop scooping. This help your pet see your partner as a caregiver and not just another mooch staying rent-free at your house.
- Reinforce good behavior by rewarding your pet with treats when they don’t act like an asshole around your hot date.
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But whatever you do, she warns, don’t force it.
“Forcing your pet to interact with your partner against their will could make the situation worse. It will increase their anxiety levels and could reinforce a negative perception of your new significant other,” MacMillan concluded. “Instead, interactions should be on their terms, keeping things short and positive to begin with.”
Let’s open the mailbag.
Kathy Had A First Date With A Dog
So this was my first actual date, and I met this guy online… Coffee Meets Bagel, I believe. He was a security guard downtown Nashville (ignored that red flag), a big football player looking hunk.
We met at a restaurant on the east side. I look up to see him walking up with his dog, and as a person who greets dogs before their owners, I was like, “Okay this is a green flag!!”
Welp. At first what seemed cute and charming quickly turned into the conversation being taken over by his dog. I could not finish a sentence without him interrupting me to ASK HIS DOG if she thought I’d give her treats off my plate. I’m not kidding. “Princess Leia.” (Yes I know, probably another red flag).
“What do you think, Princess? Do you think the pretty girl will give you a treat? Hmm… you think you could have her leftovers?” Now I’m not talking scraps on my plate — I’d barely eaten anything yet. It was just so awkward. I got through the rest of the conversation, or lack thereof, and we went our separate ways. I thought, “I mean, it wasn’t the worst date, I’m alive. But if I didn’t hear from him again that’d be just fine.”
Then the plot thickens…
A couple of months later, I’m dropping a girlfriend off at a bar, and as we pass this unnamed bar she says “Oh, I dated a bouncer there once.” I name drop him (the dog guy) and she’s like “Umm, how did you know that?”
She then immediately asks if he brought his dog! So we compared stories. Her date progressed further into the bedroom WHERE HE BROUGHT HIS DOG, TOO. She thought it was weird but isn’t a dog person so wasn’t sure what to think until the dog jumped on the bed while they were going to town. And she was like, “Oookay, absolutely not!”
Amber:
At first, I thought it sounded like you should have just gone to lunch with Princess Leia and left the dude at home. But then we got to the hanky-panky part, and now I’m just grossed out.
That guy and Princess Leia, probably.
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Brandon On Breakups …With Dogs
I recently got out of a relationship that dragged out far too long. We just weren’t compatible, argued all the time, I knew it wasn’t working. But after three years together, I couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing her dogs again. My buddies reminded me more than once that’s a stupid reason to stay in an unhappy relationship, but I was so attached to those pups. That’s been the hardest part of the split. Hoping one day she’ll be cordial enough to let me at least dog-sit sometime.
Amber:
I can relate. I was in a God-awful relationship (and I mean GOD-AWFUL) for a few years. His dog was truly his only redeeming quality. I loved that damn dog so much. And — after a long adjustment period — he even got along with Lucy! It’s been years now, but I still miss the dog and hope he’s thriving.
But, as hard as it is, if you miss the pet more than you miss the person, that’s a pretty good sign the break-up was a good decision.
Kentucky John Had Cat Scratch Fever
Back in my younger days, I dated a woman with a pair of cats. Don’t love cats, don’t hate ‘em either. But I always believed those cats were evil and ruled the house. They patrolled the kitchen counters (yes, even when she was cooking, and she never saw a problem with that?!), hissed at me whenever I got close and caught me with the claws a couple of times, too. If I said anything about it, she hissed at me too.
Looking back, she had plenty of flaws that didn’t involve the cats, but those demons were really the reason I pulled the plug.
Amber:
Sounds like the feline overlords got exactly what they wanted, John.
If You Don’t Like Dogs, Bradley S. Doesn’t Like You
If someone says they aren’t a dog person, they aren’t a good person period, and I’ll die on that hill. How do you not love an animal that loves you unconditionally?
Amber:
I’m not sure I’d go so far as to say they are bad people, but they are certainly suspicious.
Daniel C. Would Agree
Well, I haven’t had a dog in my life that wasn’t better than 99% of humans. We teach dogs tricks. They, in turn, teach us unconditional love, compassion and loyalty.
“A dog is the only thing that loves you more than itself.”
I once dated a girl that was grossed out that my dog slept in my bed, because of COURSE he did! She said, “I don’t know if I can deal with that?”
I said, “Well, he lives here, and you’re just visiting!”….it was a short visit.
I don’t know that I ever met a dog I don’t like. Maybe the person that did that to him/her, but not the dog. I think we all wind up with our favorite dog…
A long time ago, I was dating this girl, a storm came through where she lived and asked if I could let her dog stay in my fenced yard. Shortly thereafter, she left for greener pastures but left the dog. I took care of the dog, but it kept getting fatter, and it finally dawned on me, it was pregnant. I was working a lot and was adamant I wasn’t keep any of them.
Now one of them, looked to be a chocolate lab mix, would never let any other dog greet me first, so, not intending to keep him, I would just say, “good morning, brown dog.” Some weeks later, after I had found homes for the others, my friend asked, “what are you going to do with that one?” I said, “I’m keeping that one.” he asked, “What are you going to name him?” I replied, “I have been calling him Brown Dog for 8 weeks, it’s his name!”
Had him for 16 years before I had to put him down. Could not catch my breath I was so devastated. For years, it was just me and my dog, and he literally never did anything wrong, didn’t chew anything, never messed in the house. He brought me joy every day he was on this earth. On the worst day of work, coming home, anticipating seeing him made me smile.
Amber:
I’ve heard everyone has a “soul dog” — that one dog that comes into your life unexpectedly and forms a bond unlike any other animal you’ll ever meet in your life. I know Lucy is mine, and it sounds like maybe Brown Dog was for you, Daniel.
That said, it might surprise you to hear that I am firmly against dogs sleeping in the bed. (I know, I’m a monster.)
I do allow Lucy to be on the bed for cuddles or if she’s napping or whatever, but when it’s time for sleep (or adult activities), she retires to her own space. And it works out, because she prefers our big comfy sectional anyway.
But I can’t sleep if dogs are taking up half the bed or getting twisted up in my legs so that I can’t move or get comfortable. Plus, when the lights go down, I’ll be damned if anything is going to come between me and my husband.
Speaking of…
Anonymous Isn’t Into Doggy Style
(That probably felt like a jarring and disgusting transition, but this email is both jarring and disgusting.)
I was dating a man who had the most gorgeous dog… some sort of large-breed, shepherd mix. But he was about 3 years old (I think) when we met and COMPLETELY untrained. Not even basic obedience. Every time I came in the door I had to brace myself for this 90-pound dog to pounce on me. I’d have scratches all over my shoulders!
It takes a lot for me not to like a dog, but this one would try to eat my food right out of my hand, he barreled around the house and knocked me over if I wasn’t careful. And the one time I tried to walk hi, he dragged me across the yard.
But the worst part… and I just couldn’t get over it… the dog would jump up on the bed when we were having sex. Sorry for TMI but he’d even stick his nose in between us mid-deed and sniff! One time I felt the dog lick my thigh and I LOST IT. [Name redacted] acted like I was some sort of psycho for getting so mad at the dog. “He doesn’t know any better!” But WHAT THE HELL?! I told him numerous times to put the dog in another room, but he said the dog will scratch at the door and ruin his carpets if we didn’t let him in.
I’ve heard of animals with separation anxiety, but some activities are for humans only.
Amber:
I can’t believe this humble mailbag found not one but TWO men who invite their dogs on the bed during sex.
Are y’all dudes OK?! Because I’m not sure whether to recommend a dog trainer or a therapist.
Next Week: Lingerie Shopping
Looking for a way to spice things up in the (dog-less) bedroom and thinking about buying some lacy little things for your lady? I spoke with an expert — 90 Day Fiancé star Molly Hopkins — who has owned a custom lingerie store for more than 20 years now. She filled me in on all the dos and don’ts when it comes to buying sexy little outfits for your wife or girlfriend.
Got anything you’d like to share? Email me at Amber.Harding@outkick.com!
One More Thing
This is what happens when you let the dog in the bedroom after doing the deed.
Warning: Language is NSFW.
Womansplaining is a weekly column about dating, marriage, sex and relationships that runs on Wednesdays at noon ET.
Email your thoughts, questions, stories and gripes to Amber.Harding@OutKick.com or tweet her @TheAmberHarding.
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