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Dear Life Kit is NPR’s advice column, where experts answer tricky questions about relationships, social etiquette, work culture and more.
Send us your anonymous questions. For our next episode, we’re looking for your queries on doubt and decision-making in relationships.
These questions were answered by Haley Nahman of the Maybe Baby newsletter and podcast, and Danny Nelson, co-host of Maybe Baby’s Dear Danny advice series. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
Dear Life Kit, I recently started talking to someone I really like, and we’re taking it slow. However, despite her busy lifestyle, she got a big dog that has attachment issues and spends all her time and money on him now.
I didn’t think I’d end up being jealous of a dog, but I find myself wishing she didn’t have him so we could focus on each other. It’s making me doubt whether she’s still available and open to a relationship. How do I stop being jealous of a pet? Should I just consider it a loss, cut ties and move on? —Puppy Love
Nahman: A dog can impact a relationship in different ways. I know someone who has a really high-needs dog, and it added a lot of stress to their relationship and they ended up breaking up.
I know another person who never wanted to get a dog because he wanted to be free, travel and stay out late. He finally meets somebody. She has a dog, and now he’s obsessed. It’s become a cute part of their relationship.
Nelson: It’s not like you’re jealous of a pet. It’s just very difficult to share space and time with an animal that needs constant attending to.
Nahman: Are you attracted to that quality in this person that makes her excited about tending to her dog? If the answer is yes, I’d say you can get through this early period. Start by accepting the dog is part of the package, finding the joy in it and giving it a shot. That means engaging with your girlfriend and her dog in ways you think are really fun.
Nelson: Just begin doing things for the dog.
Nahman: Care begets love. It’s not the other way around.
But if that doesn’t really suit you, and you don’t have much of an attachment to this person, you can call the relationship off.
The podcast episode was produced by Andee Tagle. The digital story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.
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