Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we’re diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here.

Dear Prudence, 

I have a 6-year-old dog that has mental problems. (Yes, really.) We have tried everything our vet has recommended over the past few years: training, over-the-counter meds, prescriptions, and treatment by a well-respected certified behavioralist. Unfortunately, she is not getting better. My own health is declining and I love her, but the subject of euthanizing her has come up at home and briefly in the vet’s office. Is this wrong? And if we decide to go down this path, am I obligated to be honest about why she was put down when relatives and friends ask?

—Pet Euthanasia, and Can I Lie About It?

Dear Pet Euthanasia,

At the risk of inviting the “I hope you roast in hell “ letters, I will recap my own experience with my mentally deranged cat who we had to put down. I had a pair of feline littermates, Goldie and Biscuit. Biscuit is now a lovely elderly gentleman, but we had to put down Goldie at quite a young age because he was deeply disturbed. He urinated everywhere, howled all night long, and was a sad and miserable creature. We, too, did the medication and training route to no effect.

I believe when you’ve done everything you can and your pet is living a hellish life and is making yours hell, the humane thing to do is to end it in a humane way. Sure, there will be people who say you have to rehome such a pet. However, there are few who want to take in an animal who will ruin their house and life. More often people turn in such pets to the pound, where they live terrified for a short time, then get put down.

If there is nothing left to do, and you make this choice, you shouldn’t feel guilty. Nor should you feel the need to give elaborate explanations to people you know won’t understand. You can simply tell a brief version of the truth—your beloved dog was very ill and there were no treatment options left.

—Emily Yoffe

From: Either the Dog Goes… (August 25, 2014) 

Dear Prudence, 

Last October I gave my husband an ultimatum: see the dentist or we’re over. In the 16 years we’ve known each other, he has not been to the dentist once. As a child he had a traumatic injury to his front teeth, and that the repair was not done correctly. As a result, he does not smile and show his teeth, and he talks so that his teeth can not be seen. He does have a dark/discolored top front tooth. Due to his lack of regular dental visits, I am not interested in kissing him. He has extreme halitosis and I have mentioned this to him and he gets very upset and angry with me. I’ve told a couple friends about my ultimatum, they think getting divorced because of poor oral hygiene is ridiculous. What are your thoughts?

—See a Dentist

Dear See a Dentist,

We know what’s wrong with your husband. His mouth is a cesspool and he has extreme dental phobia. But you signed up for this 16 years ago, and I don’t understand how you married someone whose mouth reminds you of the portal to hell. Open-ended ultimatums aren’t really ultimatums. Your husband hasn’t seen the dentist, and now it’s almost July. His mouth prevents you from being intimate with him, and he won’t do anything about it. I suggest you do some research into dentists who specialize in treating the phobic. Tell your husband you will accompany him and that the biggest hurdle is just getting to the office. Your marriage does not hang on the results of a survey of your social circle—and these people have really relaxed standards. Your requirement that your husband meet a minimum threshold of hygiene is perfectly reasonable

—E.Y.

From: Hell Mouth. (June 30, 2014)

Dear Prudence, 

I am in my late 30s and still keep in touch with good friends from high school. “Jim” and “Arlene” were married to each other right out of high school. Jim then cheated on Arlene while they were married with Arlene’s best friend “Maureen.” Arlene left Jim and he and Maureen got together, and while they never married stayed together for years. Needless to say Maureen was not thought of highly and many wished karma to take action on her.

Well, just this year Maureen died after a long, horrible battle with cancer. Jim left Maureen while she was battling cancer because he “could not handle it.” Many people have been saying, well karma came and there it was, and I have to admit that I have thought the same thing.
As someone who personally has been cheated on, I have wished much worse on the cheater and the mistress. But is it wrong to feel that Maureen got what she deserved? I think people saying that are terrible but in the back of my mind I cannot truly disagree and I feel horrible for feeling that way.

—When Karma Actually Happens

Dear Karma, 

You’re old enough to have noticed that death comes to the cheater, the pure, the gossip. You’ve also probably observed that the idea of some tit for tat design behind it can be difficult to discern. (Although if there is karma, it will be a doozy for Jim.) Maureen betrayed her friend and helped cause the end of a marriage, then died young and agonizingly. I do not think these two events are related. Sure, the people who disliked Maureen may have felt she got what she deserved—but there should be a serious limit on this kind of crowing. I think when you hear such crowing you should say something like, “I’m not defending how Maureen treated Arlene, but I am sorry about her death.”

—E.Y.

From: What Goes Around. (August 19, 2014)

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